Spreadable Media - Chapter 5- Nayar - CyberSEX

The sexual Internet

Today we live in an industry where "SEX" sells. With the internet freely available to millions of people around the world, it is no wonder that sex is the most frequently searched topic. In America Porn is an ever growing industry with a revenue of over $1 Billion a year. Why is it growing so much each year though? The reason can be partly down to the way it has been used by celebrities to glamorize the way they wear their clothes, how they poise, what they look like, what they say, and who there with. Today a celebrity will more likely be remembered for how she looks and acts rather than their original reason for becoming famous in the first place. For example, Miley Cyrus is a famous celebrity who has been around for many years in America with her television shows, however, she is now a singer and most of her videos are very sexual along with other things, which as a result have made her very popular today. 

                Porn has always been seen as degrading, (towards women) and dehumanizing, especially when showing a male inflicting harm to the female. However, erotica is seen as a respected form of art dating back to ancient times which has always been seen as consensual sex without the degrading of people.

                The “sexual internet” as they put it in the book isn’t simple about cyber sex. There are many forms of sexually related activities one can get up to whilst browsing the internet. People are able to purchase online products, watch videos, sex therapists, swingers meeting, relationships or even educational information. With these options the internet allows humans to facilitate forms of sexual role playing. “Over time emotional attachment, arousal, and psychological pleasure can often lead to visits to virtual sex shops rounding off the online sexual experience.”(Nayar, p125)

                There are many forms of online relationships known as cyber affairs. These include forms such as:

1.       Those that are exclusively in cyberspace, with people who will never meet.

2.       Those that start online, but wish to take it offline as well.

3.       Those who meet online but soon take it to real life environments.

         Cyber sex is seen as a new form of social and human interaction facilitated by digital technology. Today sexual based texts are sent which contain fantasies which can often end with masturbation. Video based cyber sex is very popular in the way. Viewers will remove clothing for others online that may do the same and take part in sexual activities for the person/s watching to watch. The cyber sex experience is based on the anonymity via cyberspace. Research shows the people are more comfortable at doing these things online as the freedom from sexual diseases with the ability to not be committed to anything, hence the ability to indulge fantasies and experiences because of the anonymity. People can simple turn off their computer and walk away and that will be the end of it.

        The internet does however, allow people in cultures where homosexuality, promiscuity, fetishes to provide reasonably affordable avenue for individuals who wish to remain anonymous. Although men appear to seek more sexual based programs online, women did use the internet to seek out male partners in sexual relationships.

The game “second Life” is mentioned a lot in this chapter as people are using this game to chat whilst also do sexual things with other people online with their virtual characters. There are many games like this out there that allow people to take part in online fantasies whilst also remain anonymous. 

There have been different mixed responses from feminists in regards to cyber sex. One type see cyber sex at liberating for women. The idea that women who might have been rejected or felt ugly in real life can become whoever they want to be in this other world. Another big factor is the fact these women can have control over their body, their desires and control what they do and with whom. The second response sees cyber sex as intimidating and exploitative, as the realm of male, heterosexist ad male presence on the net suggests a gendered structuration of online sexuality itself. (Doring, 200)

        After reading this chapter I can see that it was more based towards women. I feel that cyber sex has many positives and negatives to it. The illusions that are created, such as perfect bodies, along with non-messy sexual encounters bring in the user. The fact that impersonal intimacy is a high priority amongst users allows people to feel more relaxed about their actions. I have never participated in any of these online forums, but I can see what draws people in and how it can become additive.

Chapter 13- Anxiety

                As I sit listening to the teacher talking to the class, it doesn't take me long to see people quickly checking their electronic devices to see if there are any new messages that might be important. Of course, I have never seen anyone jump up from their seats and run out of the class, so I feel people feel the need to constantly check their devices so they aren't missing out on anything.

                Turkle explains in chapter 13 how people today feel that they must be able to get online to their Facebook, Twitter, email accounts otherwise they feel they are missing out on what could be important information. People see not having their phones with them at all time as a major stress level.  Technology is seen as a way of managing life’s stresses but at the same time can create anxieties of their own. The two are often linked. Turkle feels that many sacrifices are made in order to multi task between electronic devices and your work, “People would rather sacrifice quality in order to multi task” (Turkle p242).

                An example giving in the book is how Julia gradually lost contact with her dad over many years as neither wanted to be the first to contact the other as they had fallen out over a silly argument. Julia has to eventually contact her farther in order to get a signature for a school field trip, which as a result allows them to start contacting each other again. She explains how her farther adds an email address so they can start speaking via email. Julia is happy with this as she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to talk to her farther on the phone. Julia does explain how she knows her farther has a Myspace account, and that she doesn’t want to accept him or look at his wall. At the same time she doesn’t want him checking out her wall and profile. She explains how she is not ready to see what her farther has been up to, if he has a new wife, kids etc.  She feels that over time she will talk to him and then eventually meet him again.

                Julia explains that she feels being disconnected from her phone can cause anxiety. “If I get an text message, I will excuse myself from class just to go check it” (Turkle p244) Julia explains how while checking the text message, it will be from a friend simple saying “Hey” so as a result she feels silly for leaving class, but at the same time, feels she must check the text in case it’s an emergency from her friend or family. Julia recalls when 9/11 happened and every student in her school was taking to the basement. As she didn’t have a phone, she was scared and wanted to check on her family in case anything was wrong. Some of her school friends had flights that day or worked at the twin towers so were scared and worried for them.

                As a result from 9/11, more and more children were given cell phones in case of emergencies. Although parents give the children them in case of emergencies, the schools are trying to crack down on the use of phones whilst at school as they feel they are a big distraction to the children learning. Turkle explains that parents today are called Helicopter parents. They feel that their own parents were quick to push them out into the world and give them their own independence, which they do not want their children to have. They want their own children to not have to rush out into the real world.

                Another example Turkle uses is Hannah, who enjoys going on chat websites and speaking to either friends or random people around the world. Hannah has met a guy from England who she has been talking to for many years. They will often play games online or just generally talk for hours. She liked the fact that neither one knows what the other person looks like, so in a way they can just imagine. She does want to eventually meet him she says, but for now she is happy to just keep on talking to him. Hannah says that there are many down sides to talking to people online. “People can be vicious” (Turkle p247), I have been on chats with my friends and they will start saying nasty things to random people or even people they know. She explains that there are many cruel people out there, but at the same time there are many nice people just wanting to chat to someone.

                Today people spend hours searching pictures of friends and random’s, just seeing what their up to and what comments they have posted. It doesn’t take long to find out what that persons been up to and what pictures they have posted. The media today portrays young people as no longer caring about their privacy as everything is easily available with a few clicks of a button.  The word “facebook stalking or creeping” have as a result become a term now that doesn’t really mean what it does on the serious end. It as a result has made the serious side of talking more watered down in the public’s eye.

                Turkle feels that only now are people becoming aware of what they put on the internet can often land them in trouble in the future, whether it be a job searching your name or even parents seeing what pictures you have posted online. They are no longer able to just delete information so easily. If one person puts a comment or picture online, that picture could be copied and pasted somewhere else so easily are other people. Secrets will no longer be kept secret as the “internet is a permanent record”(Turkle p 462). People should not be afraid to post things online, but they should think about how those things they post could affect things in the future.

                I enjoyed reading this chapter, I often feel anxiety to check my email and Facebook whenever I am near a computer and I think that’s the generation we have become as a result of all this technology.

                

Alone together chapter 12 - Confessions

 Everybody has secrets. Secrets. do not however always remain secret as the person/people who hold them, often feel a desire, a niggling inside them that they can not hold in and so it spills out to anyone that picks away at your defenses.  I have often been told something that I have to admit, I couldn't keep a secret, somethings are often so juicy that they cannot be held in for long. If I myself have ever had a secret, I have often felt the need to just tell someone, anyone, just because it is eating away at my insides and I just need to get it out of my mouth, just for someone to listen to and maybe give feedback.

     Today on the world wide web, there are many websites such as "post secrets", where millions of people are able to go and post anonymously there deepest and darkest secrets without the possibility of anyone finding out who wrote it. Post secrets allows people to go to a place where people can tell other people online what they are thinking/doing/done, and in a way asking for feedback. It is a place where people want to go to see that they are not strange  and what they have done is not completely out of the ordinary and is accepted and has been done by others out there.

     Why do people do this though? go on the internet to expose their little dark secrets that they do not want to share face to face with others. The internet has a magical way of allowing people to feel connected with other users out in the world. It has the ability to make you feel loved or hated, by what you write and say. Turkle explains that "people's differences are not so different from others on the web". It is also a way of venting their frustration about their day to day lives and instead of screaming at their boss they despise, they can simple vent their fury on the web and walk away relaxed and still in a job.

     Turkle give many examples of how these confessions talking sites have also been a way of people who are depressed with life just need someone to talk or just listen to. Someone who doesn't have any close friends or want to talk anyone close as they might feel judged will see talking to a complete stranger as a way of not being judged, being graded. "when we make ourselves vulnerable, we expect to be nurtured" Turkle p235.

     Another downside to this is that often when we are at our most vulnerable, pouring our hearts out to complete strangers, we are open to being attacked with abuse and hatred which as a result can often make the already upset person in more miserable. Today, there int many celebrities that aren't often hated upon either on twitter, you tube etc. It is now becoming more common for your everyday average Joe who likes to post comments , videos or articles online."anonymity does not protect us from emotional investment"

     Of course, what people have to realize when reading these confessions is that they might not be 100% true and in many ways exaggerated. I am not sure if this is a phrase said in America, but in England, we would say in a situation like this "take it with a pinch of salt". Whether these stories are true or not, they do make the readers feel excepted, which is what people want. To be excepted.

     To conclude, there are many positives and negatives to online confessions sites. I can see why people feel the need to express confessions or secrets to unknown individuals as a way of revealing stress or that niggling itch that is wanting to be scratched at so much. Turkle uses many examples to explain how many people see it as a way of expressing their feeling without being caught or judged. I have not every really checked into any of these sites, but after reading this chapter I can see how attractive sites are where you can tell the world your secrets.